Gretch-a-sketch (old)

The professor I TA for: "Well, I'm not really up on 'pop culture' or anything like that, but is your hair supposed to look like Uma Thurman's in Pulp Fiction?"
Me (stunned that my straight-laced prof just referenced that movie): "Um...no. I didn't actually have anyone in mind when I got it cut."
Prof: "Okay. At least I tried!"
Me: "I appreciate it."

Via the Lil' Bro's birthday postcard--the front reads "National Procrastination Week has been moved to next month"
On the other side: "Hey look! I didn't procrastinate your birthday. Congrats! 21! You can now legally buy liquor and gamble. Hats off."
[I don't know why, but the deadpan "Hats off" slays me everytime.]

Text conversation with the BFF:
Me: If there were two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think likes dolphins more?
Her: I'd say Flippy!
Me: Well, you'd be wrong. It's Hambone.
[I love that we get each other.]

Roomie #1: "You should blog about it." [I don't remember what "it" was, to be honest.]
Roomie #2: "Yeah, Gretchen, that would rock. But you know what they say...thou shalt not covet thy roommate's weblog."
Me: "Yeah... I think that's like Commandment #56."

On the local pizza joint's sign:
BEETS ARE BACK.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
-MATT
[1. Um...what?! 2. A part of me hopes it's a beet pizza that pays tribute to Dwight.]

Don't forget to enter the contest by tomorrow afternoon!