Top Three: Status updates you will never, ever see me use on Facebook
11 comments Posted by Gretchen Alice at 9:29 PM1. Generic emotions with no explanation whatsoever. “Blanky McBlankerson is happy/sad/excited/tired/etc.” Yeah, good for you. At least use a bit of interesting vocabulary in there. I’d much rather read something like “Blanky likes using words that make her sound pretentious, like ‘pretentious.’”
2. Observations on the weather. Chances are, most of the people in your network live where you live, and therefore don’t need an update! And if they aren’t in your network, they don’t care.
3. Write something about “what I’m doing right now” and take it literally. Examples include “doing homework,” “going to bed,” and the like. I mean, other than the fact you’re obviously on facebook instead of working on an assignment, this is another good instance of me not caring.
P.S. Acceptable updates include quotes, funny stories, links, pointed observations, song lyrics, pithy social commentary, or telling me you’re auditioning for Jeopardy! (That last one is totally true for one of my friends.) Also, no offense if you actually do these things, just don’t expect me to any time soon.
Oh! You can also now find me on Twitter. This means the Billy Joel feature is gone, but I’ll make sure to include some choice lines from the Piano Man occasionally.
I’ve gotta run. I’m busy, it’s snowing, and I have really got to get going on reading that chapter…
