Gretch-a-sketch (old)

Did we really only have to wait a week between episodes? That hasn't happened in, like, months! I usually have a class on Thursdays, so I tape the show on our VCR, 'cause we're ghetto like that. We don't even have a remote to the VCR, so if I want to fast-forward through the commercials, I have to get up and press the button. I can't wait to tell my kids about all the hardships I had to endure.

The Office x tension between Michael and Holly + Jim pranking Dwight - Pam = One episode that I have pretty mixed feelings about.

"Business Ethics" revolved around the plot that Holly was to give her first conference meeting. Conference meetings have to be memorable, funny, and full of twists and turns. (Like a Robin Williams/M. Night Shyamalan flick) So hey, no pressure there, Holly.

Michael, of course, intervenes and somehow convinces everyone to begin spilling their indiscretions. Okay, if Michael Scott tells you that you have immunity, you shouldn't really believe him. That's just a good rule of thumb, mmkay, Dunder Mifflinites? The little things become to come out, like taking long lunch breaks or pirating music or watching YouTube videos in your office for five days straight. All of a sudden, Meredith busts out that she's been doing things with the Hammermill Rep in exchange for paper discounts and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates. I KNOW. Holly freaks out and Michael tries to play it off as completely innocent.

Mike-raculous and Holly-lujah talk it out over lunch at the famed Cooper's. Maybe it's only famous on the show, but I was still excited to see it. Holly can be silly, but she's also much more professional. Incidentally, this is precisely why Michael needs her in his life. I hated watching them argue--it was very reminiscent of "Boys and Girls" when Jim and Pam were fighting about the graphic design program.

We all know Michael thinks of the office as his family, as he doesn't really have anyone else. Holly quickly points out that "it's not a family, it's a workplace." Oooooh. Ouch. Steve Carell is so wonderful at grasping onto those fleeting emotions of pain and confusion. She's demoted from his true love to HR Rep and he treats her just like Toby.

Back in the other corner of the office, Jim is tracking all of Dwight's non-work activities, thus wasting his entire day. Dwight's gullibility and love for the rules sets up a prank that's not elaborate, but it is effective. (Oh, and real quick. Jim and Pam announce their engagement to a weird mix of apathy, anger, and unbridled enthusiasm. Jenna Fischer was sick for a few days, so that's probably why she was absent.) Jim hits all of Dwight's weak spots, like BSG, Harry Potter, LOTR, and Star Wars. As a fellow geek, I got way too much pleasure out of that scene. There is no way I could have held my tongue to the tune of "It's about a guy named Dumbledore Calrissian, and he needs to return the ring back to Mordor." (Somebody please write a fan fic about this, kthx.) If you'll remember from the last episode, Dwight is stealing company time on a regular basis with one engaged accountant. This is why we need Pam around, because she would have picked up on that in no time.

Kendall, the HR guy from corporate, takes a brief conference call with he not only approves but encourages Meredith's behavior. Times are tough in the paper industry, y'know? Holly is aghast, but still gets to finish her presentation anyway. What I liked most about this episode was that it got back to the Season One business of identifying the workplace struggles that everyone goes through. Ribs for everybody!

You guys! The Office is back! Wiki-wiki-wiki-wha?
This, my friends, is how television is done. "Weight Loss" is by far the best season premiere of the show thus far. Maybe "The Dundies" runs a close second, but I'd still rank it second.

The episode kicks off straight into the opening credits--no cold open, which makes me sad. As opposed to the usual format of skipping straight to real time, this episode took us through 8 weeks of a glorious Scranton summer. Corporate is trying to get everyone to lose weight--the winning branch gets three five vacation days. Not a shabby reward!

Let's start with the new girl. Holly Flax, a major dork and girl after my own heart, is adjusting to her role. She teaches yoga, is not a lesbian, and has a sesame seed allergy and a butt that will not quit. (The bit with Oscar was probably the most awkward scene of the hour. Awkward and awesome!) She still understandably thinks Kevin is slow. When Angerela-ella-ella starts verbally abusing Kev, Holly jumps to the rescue and makes a complete fool of herself. It's actually quite endearing. Things don't go so well with the yoga instructor and there's a strong connection with Michael. Any couple who can rap together like those two deserve one another.

Oh, Michael. He's still pandering to Jan (who, thankfully, wasn't around much in this ep). Michael's going to be a good dad, but he deserves a wife and kids of his own. The Michael highlight was the Body Image Celebration, complete with inane pictures and Michael Klump-impersonation. Okay, so I get that he bought the sumo suit, but it also involved buying an entire business suit to go with it. At least he got the gender of the suit correct! His man-crush on Ryan hasn't diminished. "Go.....tee!" I loved the so-close attempt at wooing Holly. I know this never occurred to him, but seriously, you couldn't have asked her to go see Counting Crows with you?

Kelly and Darryl have still got it going on. I don't believe for one second that Ryan wants Kelly back, but of course she's going to fall for it. This is a girl who drank maple syrup, cayenne pepper, lemon juice, and water for three days straight. (The "cleanse diet" was a tidy jab at the Oprah fad from this last summer. Edit: Noelle corrected me and said that Beyonce did it years ago. That makes sense, given Kelly's affinity to all things Beyonce.) When Michael made Kelly stand up in the chair, it reminded me of this time in college when a professor made everyone say something nice about me. I don't really remember why, either. At first it was uncomfortable, but it is disappointing when it's over. "What else do you like about me?"

Angela Martin, with a routine like that, it's no wonder that you sleep so well at night. Of course she feels slightly guilty, but I can guarantee that it's all neatly rationalized in her mind. Andy really is kind to her (check out their fairy tale wedding website!), but only Dwight is man enough for her. I try not to think too much about Dwangela bow-chica-bow-wow, but it was pretty hot in this episode. How on earth will she ever decide? (Note: I have concocted rampant speculation on this subject, but The BFF reads this and she hates it when I speculate.) "Little Drummer Boy" is a call-back to both "The Pilot" and "A Benihana Christmas," so there has to be a hidden agenda. Andy's a Capella troupe, Here Comes Treble, is the collective best man. Individually, however, they have nicknames like Broccoli Rob, Jingle Jangle, and Sandwich. I wonder how many of them are still single...

Hoo boy. Jim and Pam. Where do I even begin? She's in New York; he's in Scranton. I like how she's the Hall RA and has to deal with issues like stolen soy milk, which is almost too realistic. It's hard on both of them (TWSS), but Pam at least has new challenges and friends. Mad Men's Rich Sommers makes a non-threatening appearance as a skilled artist of professor portraits. Jim doesn't actually do a whole lot in this episode, beside pledging to lose sixty-five pounds. (Side note: John Krasinski has lost lots of weight since the beginning. I prefer JKras with a little more meat on his, erm, bones.) Jim makes his trademark faces at the camera and that about covers it.

Oh yeah. I guess he also proposes to Pam. (!!!)
Holy heavens above, that was the most perfect engagement I could have imagined for the two. I was sure the writers would drag it out through November sweeps, but no, it happened during a summer rainstorm, at the Fairway Gas Station off Exit 17 where that soda once exploded on Jim. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS? I cried and squee'd and essentially flipped out. And wow, talk about a passionate kiss! I love those crazy kids.

Utica barely beats out Scranton and Toby is injured in Costa Rica. Ha! The next episode airs on October 9th. I expect I'll be on a giddy JAM high for the next two weeks and that is what will carry me through 'til then. If I didn't know any better, I'd say #5 is shaping up to be a season of epic proportions.

Happy Office Season 5 Premiere Day, everybody! The new episode airs at 9/8 central. (Giveaway|Best Fan Videos|The Jim & Pam Saga)

"Office" Supplies Giveaway

Here's the dealio, kids. I've got these nifty gifty packs to give away. Kind of like swag (Stuff We All Get), but only three of you actually get something. The rest of you get my love and admiration and well, that's all one can hope for in life.

The Michael Package
(1) TWSS Mini Legal Pad
(1) From the desk of... Magnetic List Pad
(1) TWSS Sticky Notes
(1) Leadership notebook


The Pam Package
(1) Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam Mini Legal Pad
(1) Dunder Mifflin Fridge Magnets
(1) This is Pam Sticky Notes
(1) Pam Beesly Quote Pens


The Dwight Package
(1) DWIGHT Mouse Pad
(1) DM Crew Mini Legal Pad
(1) Dwight Head Stress Ball
(1) Information is Power Sticky Notes


Unfortunately, there is no Jim Package. Yeah, I went there. But I will give you this!

(via GMMR)

Hi, I'm Gretchen and I'm an addict. Like most of us, there are recognizable steps in the progress of addiction. I was introduced as a child and soon began to put it ahead of other interests. Eventually, I found others who were the same and the enabling process began. I've been four months sober, but this is the week I fall off the wagon. (Or is it on the wagon?)

You see, I'm addicted to good television.

I'm thrilled to announce the First Annual TV Week here at Blog Headquarters. I'm planning a special Proselytizers of Pop for later today, as well as lists, recaps, and prizes. While it was my intention to kick things off yesterday, I happened to be out of town and vacations trump blogging. But never fear because it's gonna be legen...wait for it...

...DARY!

My love affair with television really started with Sabrina the Teenage Witch. There was this one episode where her bratty relative was going to turn her into a life-size doll and I had to miss it because of some lame family event. Needless to say, there were tears.

The second step was the summer the Lil' Bro and I borrowed the first few seasons of M*A*S*H from the library and would spend hours laughing our heads off. I think this was when I really fell in love with television. The humor of the 4077th was so timeless and you couldn't help but get attached to the characters. I may have not seen it when it first aired, but I can admit that I wept when Henry Blake died and that connects me to the millions of others who felt the same.

The final nail in my tv-loving coffin isn't hard to guess. I started obsessively watching The Office about halfway into the second season. That summer, propelled by the greatest season finale to ever grace tv, I tapped into the dangerous combination of tv fans and the internet. It was one of those joyous moments of "Wait, there are others out there like me? Let's be friends!" As my tastes and options expanded, I branched out to love so many shows.

Television connects stories and art, which happen to be my two of my very favorite things. It's only natural that I love it as much as I do. It allows for instant gratification, expansion and growth of characters, and the visual exploration of words. Even though nothing can ever replace the book, television challenges text. Television persuades, teaches, and entertains. Those can be used for evil, but just because something has the ability to be used for evil doesn't mean it always is.

Sunday was the 60th year of The Emmy Awards--the least-watched Emmys in history. It's ironic that the Academy decided to honor the hosts of reality television (who, BTW, sucked all the funny out of the room) while reality television is probably the cause of the low numbers. Not that all reality programming is bad, but every intriguing drama or comedy that gets canceled means yet another night of Deal or No Deal. Television isn't dead, but it means that those of us who appreciate it will have to fight just a little bit more. We're a rare breed, but some of us watch The Emmys with the dream that maybe one day, that will be us up there accepting the award for Best Writing in a Comedy Series.

Those who criticize and malign television don't know what they're missing, because there is so much greatness already produced and so much potential to be realized.

Basically, I'm just really glad it's September.

Now I'm gonna write up the rest of this week's posts (mostly just gift lists...we'll be back to normal blogging next week). Maybe I'll study, too. I know this was a bit ramble-y, but I just needed to write something.

Edit: Oh, I forgot to mention that Tib's having a surprise giveaway. Go check it out!

If the internet were a person, I'd marry it. For real.

1. This parody version of Baby Got Back is book comedy at its finest. Cheryl Klein wrote it, with lyrics like "So ladies, if lit's your love/And you wanna make like Nabokov/Dial 1-800-READSALOT/And we'll read those banned novels/Baby got book!"

2. Golfwidow dreamed up the hilarious LOLdiner, which would be Teh Successful IRL.

3. Rachelskirts introduced me to Daily Lit. Get a couple pages of a book emailed to you every day for free!

4. Naomi, a.k.a. the "Cupcake Ninja" was recently featured over at Cupcakes Take the Cake. Her fondant designs are the tastiest little bites of pop culture I've seen.

5. Download Ben Gibbard (*dreamy sigh*) singing Rilo Kiley's Silver Lining here.

6. Miss Erin got an ARC of Shannon and Dean Hale's Rapunzel's Revenge and recently reviewed it. Color me jealous!

7. Mark your calenders! This Tuesday is Eliza Doolittle Day!

8. I totally won an Airhead t-shirt from Meg Cabot! I can only imagine there were hundreds of entries and I was one of the thirty! When it arrives, I'll post my entry for who I'd want to trade bodies with if I had the chance.

9. Edge created a list of her top twenty songs in my honor. Thanks again!

10. Moshi moshi! Did you know The Office originally started out as a Japanese show?



11. My new (and final) header is up! Feed readers, come give it a looksie. (Question: I can't figure out for the life of me how to make it link back to the home page. Any advice?)

12. I'm going to be participating in Pink of Perfection's May Project for the next week. The theme is Media Detox, which means I'm going to cut down on all non-essential internet surfing. Um, which is a LOT of extra time I'll have on my hands. Hey, homework? Let's be friends again!
I'm going to try and draft my posts tonight, so I'll still blog, but I might not be around so much on twitter or commenting or the like. Wish me luck!

Quick raise of the hands—who remembers what you were doing the night of May 11, 2006?

If you’re anything like me, that date has been forever stamped into your brain as the original airing of Casino Night, the Season Two Office Finale. Also known as The Most Singularly Great Work of Television Ever Produced. As a stand-alone episode, it’s fabulous in many regards. But as the capstone to the best season of tv ever, it is monumental. (I’m completely serious here. I’ve watched a lot of shows and nothing, I repeat, nothing can hold up to the begin-to-finish of Season Two. You can disagree, but you’d also be wrong.)

I should point out that this post obviously spoils everything about the episode, but this isn’t a post about how wonderful Casino Night is as a whole. I’d have plenty of material—there is nary a weak joke to be seen. The show needs to utilize Steve Carell’s writing more often, but that’s challenging when your main star is also one of Hollywood’s current comedy darlings. If you want to read a really comprehensive and well-written recap of the show, James (the creator of Northern Attack) wrote one here.

Instead, this is a post about Jim, Pam, and how the journey of two fictional characters completely altered the course of my life. Dramatic, much? Yeah, but it’s also true. I watched a few episodes of The Office back in the first season and loved it immediately. Unfortunately, I was also wrapped up in AP tests, boys, and getting ready to leave for my first semester of college only a few weeks after graduation. The show didn’t enter my radar that fall, because our lousy tv only got fuzzy, tin-foiled reception of ABC and PBS. (This lead to a short-termed McLoveAffair with Grey’s Anatomy.) I caught The Injury a couple months into my winter semester at home and that was that. I trolled the internet for spoilers and read the scripts of the episodes I’d missed. I was in love. Like any good story, a large part of my love was built into the romance of one Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly. Also like any good story, the romance didn’t come easy. This is namely because of one tiny, dull, $80 diamond on Pam’s left ring finger. (Stupid [swear word] Roy! Sorry, I just have to get that out of my system once in a while.)

And you know why nothing happened between Jim and Pam in the five-plus years they worked together? All in all, they’re average people just like you and I who are terrified of pushing boundaries and really exposing who they are. There are exceptions to this rule, but if there’s anything I’ve learned as a psych major, it’s that people don’t like change. Jim and Pam could stay within their carefully constructed borders of flirting and pranking without much modification of their outside lives. Both wanted something different outside of Dunder Mifflin, but it was comfortable. The comfort level was more so to Pam, because she had her engagement to fall back on, but even Jim tried dating to no avail. And heck, who isn’t scared stiff by the mere thought of telling your best friend that you truly, madly, deeply love them? (I kind of hate myself for quoting Savage Garden just then.)

Despite the fact that Jim and Pam were both too chicken to own up to their feelings for so long, it being television, you knew something was going to happen in the season finale. I mean, how nice would it be if real life worked this way? “Oh, it’s mid-May. I guess he’ll be kissing me in the next couple days.” But I digress. In the episodes leading up to CN, progress was made fairly rapidly. Jim was planning on being in Australia for the wedding, they practically acted like a couple during Michael’s Birthday, and Pam eventually realized that Jim wasn’t thrilled with hearing wedding talk all the time. Even the progression of CN seems to echo the intensity of their S1&2 interactions, as seen in the following scenes.

1. The opening prank with Dwight and the coat rack. These two kids work seamlessly together. Good fun and it illustrates just how close they are as friends.
2. ‘Til Death Do Us Rock! Banter and note how Pam grabs Jim’s hand. Physical contact is rare, but when it happens, it’s chaste and Jim still gets worked up by it.
3. The poker scene—they’re both taken in by the glory of the warehouse-turned-gambling parlor and let their guard down a little. Here the flirting is public. The co-workers would have to be blind or Creed not to pick up on the cues that get sent out every once in a while.

Finally, FINALLY, in The Parking Lot of Doom, the dynamic is instantly transformed. My hats off to Jenna and John for some of the best acting they have ever done. I watched this in slack-jawed, stunned silence. That raw honesty that Jim exudes is enough to make millions of girls go weak in the knees. (There’s a brief interlude in which Michael unknowingly sums up the show in a few words. “Love triangle drama. All worked out in the end, though. The hero got the girl. Who saw that coming? I did!”)

Cut to the dimly lit and abandoned office. Pam does what any sensible girl would do and calls her mom (from Jim’s desk, of all places). The “Yeah, I think I am” line is merely another log on the fire of heated speculation that filled out that summer. What follows is the clincher for my already-obsessed mind—Jim strides into the office and wraps up Pam in his arms and kisses her so passionately and tenderly that even Wesley and Buttercup couldn’t compete. Ladies, am I right in saying that all we really want is to be kissed like that? Guys, it wouldn’t hurt to take notes of Jim’s technique. Fade to black and fin.

The beauty of these scenes lies in the fact that I can watch them over and over and still get as emotionally involved as the time before. The kiss encapsulates everything that I think love should be— straightforward, sincere, ardent, and reciprocated. I don’t know everything about love, but I do know that I want someone who loves me as fervently as Jim loves Pam. It’s like what Mac said in Juno, “In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.” Holla, J. Jonah Jameson! To my hopelessly romantic heart, the Jim and Pam narrative is a romance that will go down in history with the likes of Elizabeth and Darcy. I don’t know how their tale will end, but I know it will be epic.

(Okay, I’m going to try my hardest not to go into S3, because the JAM story line was so disastrously screwed up from the beginning right up to the penultimate episode. Beach Games was good and The Job was great, but neither can make up for the [swear word] that was the Jim and Karen catastrophe.)

Tomorrow night is the Season Four finale, a season that has been far too short, thanks to the [swear words] over the AMPTP. I’m not sure what to anticipate, but I have very high expectations. I do not think it will match the majesty of Casino Night, but I’m still going to wear my Dunder Mifflin shirt, eat grilled cheese, and (fingers crossed) maybe slightly relive how I felt two years ago.

Dinkin' flicka.

I never liked playing tag in elementary school, because I am the opposite of a fast runner. I'd always get tagged first and then spend for-EV-er [/Squints] trying to get close enough to the other kids so I could end the misery and maybe catch my breath, if I was lucky to last that long. But blog tagging? Everyone wins! I believe what it says on the Alamodome--we are all winners! [/Miss Texas]

Elisabeth tagged me for the six random things meme, which I've always kinda wanted to do, so yay!

Post the rulez on your blog:

- Write six random things about yourself in a blog post

- Tag six however many people you want in your post

- Let each person know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

- Let the tagger know your entry is up.

(Intro: In a fit of brilliance and/or boredom, I decided to do this Six Degrees style, a la Ken Jennings.)

1. For all the post-strike episodes, Office Tally has arranged for fans to ask questions of the writers. Brent Forrester and Justin Spitzer wrote "Did I Stutter?" and actually answered my question! How cool is that? I have had semi-contact with the writers of The Office. I'll let you guys figure out which question was mine... Also, am I the only who thinks it's weird that Dwight keeps putting odd substances on Michael's head? Last week it was vaseline and the week before it was peanut butter. Oh, Dwight! You need to get back with Angela STAT.

2. In second grade, we had a writing prompt about what we would do if we opened a brand new jar of peanut butter and "HELP!" was scratched into the otherwise shiny top? My story involved using a recliner-turned-rocket to go into space to save the aliens. (The aliens were the ones in distress, natch.) To this day, every time I break out a new jar I wonder if this will be the time I find the call for help.

3. Help! is an incredible Beatles album, but it's not my favorite. That honor goes to the one and only Abbey Road. It's so tightly-crafted from start to finish, which is ironic given that the band was so not tight at that period. George Harrison is at his absolute peak and John and Paul aren't half-bad, either. Maybe someday I'll do a full review of what I love about it...there is so much I could write. From the opening shoop of "Come Together" to the bizarre and yet somehow apropos finish of "Her Majesty," Abbey Road will forever hold a place in my musical heart.

4. While other girls dreamed of being the long-lost daughters of Her Majesty the Queen, I dreamed of being the long-lost daughter of Tim and Jill Taylor. Yes, I wanted desparately to be the fourth child on Home Improvement. This show was my first taste into traditional sitcoms and it was the one show we would watch as a family on a weekly basis. Remember when the NASA astronauts visited and Gothic Mark and jokes about Al's mother? Amazing.

5. I had this astronaut uniform as a young'un that I'd decorate with badges from the Forest Service and my grandpa's old Army pins. I wanted so bad to go into space. That dream turned into deciding to be an aerospace engineer in high school and that dream turned into one day of engineering classes in college. Yeah, not for me. I liked the idea of it, but the thought of actually doing that for the rest of my freaking life had me a little keyed up and not in a good way. I dropped those classes like they were hotter than Ben Affleck in Armageddon and moved on.

6. I keep a keychain of Malibu Barbie on my keys. The reasoning behind this is tri-fold. 1) It's really easy to grab out of my purse. 2) It reminds me of my time at the toy store and also of high school, when a few friends called me "Barbie." Blond and skinny will get you that. 3) Depending on my mood, it signifies that a) I can be a strong, capable, multi-talented woman, because Barbie's an awesome girl power symbol or b) I don't want to be conformist (see: high school) and Barbie's the ideal symbol of people who need distraction from the pathetic emptiness of their meaningless, consumer-driven lives. [/Kat Stratford] Plus, she's also super cute and probably has a slew of hot boyfriends, named Brent or Justin.

Tag! The Roommate Edition: Marlayna, KK, and Elise! You're it!

But you know what they say about good intentions...

I was gonna do a catch-up post, a meme, and maybe recap The Office while at the library, but I decided to take care of my ever-growing numbers in Google Reader.

Instead, can I just leave you with this and make it up later? Thanks, babe.

Oh! I've got a week off between semesters and intend to spend it with my nose buried in many, many good books. Any recommendations?

Hey guys! It’s good to see ya’ll again. Do you have any idea what tonight is? NBC Must-See TV makes its highly anticipated and triumphal return! *cue choir of angels* In honor of this momentous occasion, I’ve personally waded through at least six fanvids set to “Iris” and probably twenty more featuring Colbie Caillat to bring you the best of The Office on youtube. This will be the best nineteen minutes of your day prior to 8:30/7:30 Central. You can watch them during My Name is Earl or something. (Unless you’re B2G, in which case you are strictly not allowed to watch them until you’re done with the second season at least.)
Cheers!

Um, so I need this shirt.

Glarkware, why must you be so awesome?

Jim: Concussion. [Michael scribbles out something on the clipboard.] What did you write?
Michael: Nothing. I wrote "bringing someone to the hospital."

Our scene opens with a group of college kids bundled up to the max. We drive over to the upper playing fields, home to a massive sledding hill. The four sleds and inner tube are pulled out of the back of the car and we tromp through the snow. At first, we start up one hill, then conclude it's just a bit too crowded for our taste.
"Let's try over here--that way we can all stay together!" a friend decides.
It's freezing outside, very literally, but there's something magical about all the powdery snow and commotion. Kind of exciting, really.
I wait at the top of the hill with some guy I don't know.
"Go ahead," I say, since I'm still slightly apprehensive.
"No, you were here first."
"Okay, sure." So I sit down on my neon green sled, grab the handles, and edge my way towards the drop off. Boy-I-Don't-Know gives me a push and off I go! I gain speed very rapidly and scream out of terror and delight. Near the bottom, there's this teensy, tiny bump. I grab hold to my sled just a little bit tighter and get some major air when I hit the bump. The sled and I come crashing down at a ninety degree angle and I feel this shock reverberate straight through my back. Suddenly, I can't breathe or move. Aw, crap. Eventually, a crowd gathers around and I'm placed on a sled. The next hour is kind of a blur, but I remember there being tears and phone calls; paramedics and police. I carefully explain that I have asthma and can't really breathe right now, so they ask where my inhaler is located.
"It's in my purse, by my bed," I sputter. "It's red. Both my purse and the inhaler," I clarify. For some reason, this strikes me as really funny and I begin to laugh, which hurts like the dickens. They ask if I can move my toes and fingers--never in my life have I been so grateful for working digits!
I hear the sirens off in the distance. Realizing those sirens were for me is when I think it really began to dawn on me just how serious this is. The EMT's are full of questions and it keeps me distracted while they strap me down to the board. I know there's no chance of falling off the board or of being dropped, but I still hold my breath on the way to the ambulance. My roommate stays with me, reassuring me the whole time that things will be alright. It's in the ambulance that I realize two things: 1) I haven't lost my sense of sarcasm. They ask how I'm feeling and I reply, "Oh, I've never been better. This is great!" (which, I'm pretty sure, isn't helpful) and 2) I'm also extremely polite.
I'm shunted to a side room in the hospital, as there have been multiple car accidents that night. The nurse draws blood and gives me morphine--I've never been happier to get poked in the arm with a thick needle in my life. I take a short trip to the X-ray room, but the scenery doesn't change much. Finally, Dr. Mayberry arrives and informs me that my L1 vertebrae has a compression fracture of about 10 to 15 percent. Oh, joy! Really, it could be worse, but I'm stuck in the hospital overnight on a clear liquids diet.
That, my friends, is the story of how I broke my very first bone earlier this week. Nothing has been quite so eventful as that first day, although I did get fit for the HellBrace. HellBrace and I get to be constant companions for the next six weeks, much to my dismay. I did get to move on to solid foods and my mom arrived in one piece, ever the hero. I've had very understanding teachers and co-workers, but now I get to move on to coping with my injury in real-life situations. I have to admit, I'm going to miss the naps and magazines and cheesy chick-flicks (*cough*Win a date with Tad Hamilton!*cough*) that have filled my hours.
P.S. If I die, I'm going to donate my eyes to Stevie Wonder.
Feel free to share any of your horrific medical tales in the comments!

1) It says chicken of the sea. So is it chicken or fish?
Pam chickens out--there
Are other fish in the sea
Have you tried tuna?

2) Hai-coup
Crentist sure can’t help
Dwight replace his princely crown
Michael’s throne is safe

3) FEAR
Fight for Dwight's friendship?
I'd put my money on Mose
Yeah, he's a schur thing

(A/N: These were all written in the fall of 2006, hence the S3 emphasis.)

I was seriously just thinking the other day, "If I could make fanvids, I'd create one for Belle & Sebastian's 'Step Into My Office, Baby." Lo and behold, look what I just found on the internet!



I also think it'd be cool to do a video featuring the D-M women to the "Maneater" song--either the Hall & Oates version or Nelly Furtado's version.