Gretch-a-sketch (old)

You guys! The Office is back! Wiki-wiki-wiki-wha?
This, my friends, is how television is done. "Weight Loss" is by far the best season premiere of the show thus far. Maybe "The Dundies" runs a close second, but I'd still rank it second.

The episode kicks off straight into the opening credits--no cold open, which makes me sad. As opposed to the usual format of skipping straight to real time, this episode took us through 8 weeks of a glorious Scranton summer. Corporate is trying to get everyone to lose weight--the winning branch gets three five vacation days. Not a shabby reward!

Let's start with the new girl. Holly Flax, a major dork and girl after my own heart, is adjusting to her role. She teaches yoga, is not a lesbian, and has a sesame seed allergy and a butt that will not quit. (The bit with Oscar was probably the most awkward scene of the hour. Awkward and awesome!) She still understandably thinks Kevin is slow. When Angerela-ella-ella starts verbally abusing Kev, Holly jumps to the rescue and makes a complete fool of herself. It's actually quite endearing. Things don't go so well with the yoga instructor and there's a strong connection with Michael. Any couple who can rap together like those two deserve one another.

Oh, Michael. He's still pandering to Jan (who, thankfully, wasn't around much in this ep). Michael's going to be a good dad, but he deserves a wife and kids of his own. The Michael highlight was the Body Image Celebration, complete with inane pictures and Michael Klump-impersonation. Okay, so I get that he bought the sumo suit, but it also involved buying an entire business suit to go with it. At least he got the gender of the suit correct! His man-crush on Ryan hasn't diminished. "Go.....tee!" I loved the so-close attempt at wooing Holly. I know this never occurred to him, but seriously, you couldn't have asked her to go see Counting Crows with you?

Kelly and Darryl have still got it going on. I don't believe for one second that Ryan wants Kelly back, but of course she's going to fall for it. This is a girl who drank maple syrup, cayenne pepper, lemon juice, and water for three days straight. (The "cleanse diet" was a tidy jab at the Oprah fad from this last summer. Edit: Noelle corrected me and said that Beyonce did it years ago. That makes sense, given Kelly's affinity to all things Beyonce.) When Michael made Kelly stand up in the chair, it reminded me of this time in college when a professor made everyone say something nice about me. I don't really remember why, either. At first it was uncomfortable, but it is disappointing when it's over. "What else do you like about me?"

Angela Martin, with a routine like that, it's no wonder that you sleep so well at night. Of course she feels slightly guilty, but I can guarantee that it's all neatly rationalized in her mind. Andy really is kind to her (check out their fairy tale wedding website!), but only Dwight is man enough for her. I try not to think too much about Dwangela bow-chica-bow-wow, but it was pretty hot in this episode. How on earth will she ever decide? (Note: I have concocted rampant speculation on this subject, but The BFF reads this and she hates it when I speculate.) "Little Drummer Boy" is a call-back to both "The Pilot" and "A Benihana Christmas," so there has to be a hidden agenda. Andy's a Capella troupe, Here Comes Treble, is the collective best man. Individually, however, they have nicknames like Broccoli Rob, Jingle Jangle, and Sandwich. I wonder how many of them are still single...

Hoo boy. Jim and Pam. Where do I even begin? She's in New York; he's in Scranton. I like how she's the Hall RA and has to deal with issues like stolen soy milk, which is almost too realistic. It's hard on both of them (TWSS), but Pam at least has new challenges and friends. Mad Men's Rich Sommers makes a non-threatening appearance as a skilled artist of professor portraits. Jim doesn't actually do a whole lot in this episode, beside pledging to lose sixty-five pounds. (Side note: John Krasinski has lost lots of weight since the beginning. I prefer JKras with a little more meat on his, erm, bones.) Jim makes his trademark faces at the camera and that about covers it.

Oh yeah. I guess he also proposes to Pam. (!!!)
Holy heavens above, that was the most perfect engagement I could have imagined for the two. I was sure the writers would drag it out through November sweeps, but no, it happened during a summer rainstorm, at the Fairway Gas Station off Exit 17 where that soda once exploded on Jim. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS? I cried and squee'd and essentially flipped out. And wow, talk about a passionate kiss! I love those crazy kids.

Utica barely beats out Scranton and Toby is injured in Costa Rica. Ha! The next episode airs on October 9th. I expect I'll be on a giddy JAM high for the next two weeks and that is what will carry me through 'til then. If I didn't know any better, I'd say #5 is shaping up to be a season of epic proportions.